Here I am again, seeking to launch a blog. However, I have more hope than ever that consistent blogs will be coming forth, revealing the revelations of my heart. There has been a level of revelation hitting my insides in the last year than all the years prior. It is impossible to clarify or validate my last statement in one posting, but my hope is to show it true over time in the postings that come forth.
Even as I type this, I have a document open of a brainstorm of blog titles and subjects that have been fueling my heart to recently live to pray and not just pray to live. At one time that would have been offensive to me and would have revealed the pride of my heart the instance it was spoken, but now it is becoming a reality inside of me based upon the mercy and grace of God to awaken the cold parts of my heart that had me in the center focus instead of Him. The pride of my reputation, and the hiddenness of the wickedness that propelled that reputation forward have been being uprooted by the sight of God and His throne in my inner man. Now that I am not the center of my theology as I pursue God, but His will and throne is, His Word has exploded in depth as I read it; I am becoming compelled to be a witness for Christ rather than striving in a â€œcourageâ€-based philosophy of Christianity; there is a greater hunger in doing the works of His Kingdom because I am actually getting reality of His Kingdom by focusing on the things above; and I am learning to become so heavenly minded that I am actually earthly good for His sake.
Over the past few years, especially in the past year, I have been seeking to value the things that He values and give myself to them. Wow! My world has been turned upside down as I have allowed Him to offend my heart at, what has felt to be, the deepest levels, and followed through with many tears and repentance. On the other side I have been finding a wealth of riches that cannot be measured by this life, but only the age to come. After walking w/Christ for 13 years and doing many different types of ministry and discipleship over 10 of those years, I feel as though I have finally began my journey with discovering God and His full agenda. Those past years were consumed with me seeking to discover myself, in my calling, ministry gifting, etc and I donâ€™t discount all that happened. However, much of my time was wasted with seeking to establish a reputation of pursuing God, and having to uphold that because I had me at the center. The deception was slight and steady, and very real. But Godâ€™s patience and desire toward me has won out and I now seek to stay in that place of prayer in order to have the grace to keep my eyes on His ways. I have finally realized that I must begin with understanding His calling (invitation) for me to join Him when He returns, at the marriage supper of the Lamb (Second Coming). The first and last 2 chapters of the Bible have been critical to me during this season of my life. In seeing Godâ€™s desire in the beginning and seeing who He is and His desires in the end, it has turned my life in the â€œnowâ€ upside down and revealed the pride of my past.
Godâ€™s patience, mercy and tender kindness have rescued me from myself, even from the middle of a life that was perceived to be â€œworthy of the calling.â€ But in light of getting glimpses into the reality of His throne, Kingdom and rulership in the unseen realm, â€œone thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal (resurrection) for the prize of the upward call (accepting the invitation to rule and reign with Christ on the earth for all eternity) of God in Christ Jesus.â€ Philippians 3:13,14 As I take time to look upon His Kingdom above, I am finally discovering something to speak about (what Iâ€™m seeing and hearing-Acts 4:20) that is not with wisdom of (eloquent) words, and am learning how to truly walk with the gospel of His Kingdom, not the kingdom of this world. But it has taken offending my Greek-minded thinking of needing to do the things of His Kingdom before I have taken the time to see His Kingdom (time in prayer, looking to the things above: Col. 3). In some of the revelations that I will soon be blogging about, I have been brought to the realization that I canâ€™t go wrong with taking time to sit before Him (most the time more than I am willing to give in my flesh), until I have a message that is filled with power based upon the faith and life that it stirs on the inside through what has been seen and heard (in the things above). I refuse to allow a fear of “not doing” because I am too busy “being,” keep me from being with Him! In my inner man I am finding that the more I set my sight on Him, the deeper the longing to do the works of His Kingdom. Not through human wisdom, but through a compelling based on the revelation of His heart and will, and in a power birthed from the knowledge of who He is.
I look forward to the struggle of getting some of the things stirring on the inside, out and into a document and blog. Where I can take time processing through the Scriptures that I have had a blast reading over in prayer and then take the time to lay out in some type of readable form. :) Weâ€™ll see how it goes. Grace and peace to all!